Nestled somewhere in the grooves of my medial temporal lobe, just past the echo-empty chamber where important things are supposed to go, there is a memory of reading an interview in a magazine, years ago, wherein the writer described the subject, Amanda Seyfried, as being “pale and interesting.”
I remember this so vividly because up until that point, all I had felt as a person with the kind of stark-white skin that practically sizzles in the sunlight was, well, paranoid. Afraid. Doomed to spend the rest of my days inside, huddled around an AC unit in the dark, playing Scrabble with my similarly fair, freckled brother while everyone else in all the world was able to enjoy a warm, sunny day without the threat of second-degree burns and dappling with freckles right before your eyes. Suddenly, I wasn’t just a weird indoor kid. I was interesting! MORE: 10 Celebrities Who Make Being Pale Look Damn Good
This is not true, of course; I am still weird, but my inability to handle sun exposure is no longer something to blame. When I was a youth, older women often told me how smart I was to avoid spending too much time in the sun, which embarrassed me. I know now, of course, that this is a very real thing, and that I have both avoided the trouble of sun damage and dramatically lowered my chances of getting skin cancer just by, like, applying a sunscreen and wearing a hat. Nice.
There’s a downside, though, and that downside is that I occasionally look like an idio...